This is more for me than You

I've recently realized how weak my faith is. Maybe it was stronger in the past, but I just feel like it's always been pretty small and God brought me here to show me that. I clung to him when bad things happened to my family (deaths, sin, hard times...), believed my whole life thinking I'd been through the valleys and the mountaintops with Him- refining my faith along the way. But I don't think my faith was ever that strong. I always had other things in my life to base my faith on- blessings and just things.
But I believe God brought me here to bring me to my knees- to the depths- so I couldn't rely on anything else in life but him. Well, either rely just on him or give up completely. I thought about giving up- it seemed better at some times. But thanks be to God that I'm not there still. Maybe there are are deeper depths (I pray not) but I certainly feel like I'm in the deepest right now. I've always had something to fill my life instead of God- family, friends, school, law school, activities... But now I don't have that (yes I have a family... but, I'm not 12 anymore- I'm just saying I had a little faith, but I often put more faith in education or things going on in my life instead of fully relying on God).
So here I am, empty. Empty of pride. Empty of hoping in others. It's not always a good place to be- becuase something has to fill that emptiness. Thankfully, I don't think that God owes me something anymore. I did think he owed me something- a great job, a great friend, a great opportunity, a great congregation where I could work-something/ ANYTHING - or even something that would work- just a little more than NOTHING. He owes me nothing, I know.
And thus, I sit in the depths- thankful that God has kept me from falling, thankful that he has shown me what is really important so I can have real faith and thankful that I feel like I can now have a real relationship with Jesus because I know what it feels like to be nothing without him (I thought I did before...) and without anything in the world to put my trust in.
I've spent the last week with no-tv/ internet/ radio (except for a few internet necessities) and in much prayer and reading the word. It has brought me out of "I'm ready to give up" and brought me to where I am now. But I still have a lifetime relationship to build. Just because I've made some realizations, doesn't mean I've changed overnight. I'm not to the point of being Paul and not caring about my life at all or worldly struggles- but I'm working on it... I'm in the perfect place not to care-with nothing to lose, but...
What is the first devo song you learned? My firsts were All in All, Seek Ye First and Sanctuary. I've gotten tired of these songs since we used to sing them all day/ every day. But I was listening to All in All Friday and it has new meaning to me.
You are my strength when I am weak...
Lord to give up I'd be a fool...
Taking my sin, my cross, my shame, Rising again...

I just see how much of a sinner I am, how much I can't do this, how far I've gotten myself, how weak I am, how foolish I have been... Now I'm trying to fill my life with him, to really love him and to have a relationship- without letting stupid distractions get me down.