Independence

Good and bad news this week:
1) Bad- The cowboys had their first meaningful loss against the freaking Patriots
2) Good- Texas Tech kicked some MAJOR A&M behind

Now for more pressing matters...

One thing I struggle so much with is being independent to a fault. Christ wants us to cast our cares upon him, pray for each other, lean on one another, confess our sins to each other, and help each other out. I get so much joy from helping others (here, my intentions are often selfish, I actually do get joy from helping people even if it interferes with my day and plans), yet I can't rely on someone else to do anything. Not just the little things either- I just want to do everything myself, because then I know it will get done and be done properly- but there are deeper and more important things. Trust and dependence are so similar.
I can't trust other people with parts of me. I can't depend on them to pray for me. I can't entrust needs to them, because I fear what that person will do to them. But I think I am my own worst enemy.
I think that because I am so cynical about EVERY little thing, everyone else is too. I'm also afraid of being wrong. Therefore I am afraid to open myself up to the blessings of help/ assistance/ care/ love from other people because I am afraid of the hurt that could possibly come.
This is nothing new, its what every stupid, cheesy love story- movie is about (and we all know I can't stand the cheese). But realizing you personally have a problem and need some psychoanalysis is quite different from watching the Hallmark Sunday movie special.

I have to start focusing outward-not inward. Although I think it so important to self-evaluate and improve oneself (notice how every other word is "I" in this entry)- it isn't about me. We weren't made to live ou lives in a box and never open up to the world and never let the world in.