Thursday, October 11, 2007

Awestruck


I had been feeling a bit down lately. Not sick. Not incredibly overworked. Not sad. Worse. I haven't felt like going to church. I haven't felt like spending time with God. I haven't felt like praying. I haven't felt like being a better person. I HAVE felt like cussing. I have felt like spending my money on me instead of giving it to God. I have felt like being cynical about everything. I have felt like living life for me and for whatever I felt like doing in that moment. It wasn't that I didn't love God or didn't want to praise him, but I let the world and selfishness interfere.
It was my own fault- I let Satan get to me.
But God did something to help me get out of the rut.
Have you ever just looked at the sky? I mean just watched the sky for hours: from sunset to late at night- watching the sun set and the moon rise. The colors changing across the sky, couds rolling in and fading away, the moon appearing large and red, then rising to a smaller grey as the man stares down from it. Stars slowly appear. They seem to fade in and out. Some are red, others blue, and still other stars seem white. While shooting stars seem to come rarely and you always just miss seeing them when someone else points them out, when you just stare at the sky, they come frequently and with more brilliance- they seem to linger across the sky.
It isn't just a pretty picture. There is something about the sky that invokes a sense of awe in me. Everything is calm and peaceful when you have time to just stare into the sky. Maybe it is because of the special times I remember having- certain time under West Texas skies- that feeling of nostalgia. But I think it is more.
Why does something like the sky- the big expanse of space above us invoke such feeling?
For me, the sky is one of God's many ways to remind me of his awesome power. It's sad that I need such a reminder in a world where I am so blessed and have so many opportunities to show and feel his greatness. Sometimes I just choose not to look or to believe that it is me that is great and not God. But, for me, the sky is one thing I can never take the credit for. I can only be brought to praise God for his greatness when I see such an amazing sight.
I will still struggle with each of those things above. But the next time I push God away for a while with my sin, I pray that he will force himself back into my life. Maybe next time it will be in a different way: maybe through someone else, a close-call, some big event... but no matter what, God has given me a great thing- something that is always there and always reminding me of his greatness- all I have to do is look up and I see his awesome power and I am brought to praise him.

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